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Funny Fic Quotes [26 Jan 2005|05:20pm]
[ mood | giggly ]

Because I figured we all need a laugh, I challenge people to look into a Matrix fic anywhere and pull out what they think was the funniest/silliest/batshit/wtf/lol line they could find. Here's mine!

“He left me!” she sobbed into her pillow…. “Jason dumped me!”she screamed making you feel a bit….sad you ran over to her and put your arms around her….

“awww Niobe!”you said rocking her back and forward ash she sobbed into your shoulder hysterically

“he…he said that I seemed to love morpehus more than him!” she said crying even more…

“well isn’t that true?”you said raising your eyebrows at her…

“well yes but he wasn’t supposed to know that..”she said blushing…

Now get some quotes! It'll be the zaniest meme ever!

6 comments|post comment

Because everyone knows that canon characters aren't complete without ultra-perfect younger siblings! [10 Jul 2004|01:16am]

[ mood | half asleep ]

Story Or Series Title: Intertwining Worlds
Fandom: Matrix
Culprit Author's Name: Japan-Chick
Full Name (plus titles if any): Nicky aka The Hacker Sky
Full Species(es): Human (so far)
Hair Color (include adjectives): "Short black hair"
Eye Color (include adjectives): "Blue eyes that had a license to kill"
Unusual Markings/Colorations: none
Special Possessions (if any): none
Annoying Origin: The One's mother's womb.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: She's Neo's kid sister who learned everything about hacking from him and has been looking for him ever since he disappeared a month ago.
Annoying Special Abilities: t3h 1nf4m0u5 l337 h4xx0r who "could hack anything and everything."
Other Annoying Traits: Agents are following her, and she knows they're not registered with any police, FBI, or CIA station in the world. She also has recurring dreams about the real world and draws pictures about it.
Best Line: Nicky was always a rather gal for black, gothic much to herself. With blue eyes that had a license to kill, and short black hair. Now 18 and 5’7, she takes Kong fu classes, and enjoys night walks. Romantic candlelight dinners, cuddling by the fireplace, long walks on the beach...

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story: Gah. It's so short...
Answering the phoneCollapse )

*skip, skip, skip*

Let's meet Morpheus! Or, as we call him in Sue-ville, Morpheous.Collapse )

*skip, skip, skip*

Red or Blue?Collapse )

And that's the end of the chapter. But don't worry kids! I'm sure Neo, Trinity and Co. will come back and pull her out! She has to be unplugged. She's a Sue.

7 comments|post comment

You know, Neo doesn't need that stupid Trinity to love—he needs someone way more perfect. [17 Jun 2004|11:03pm]

[ mood | irritated ]

We-ll, the sad thing is that it's relatively well written—i.e., the author knows grammar, can spell (except for 'Anderson' or 'Nebuchanezzer', but even I can't spell the latter) and has some idea of plot.
Pity she's a canon-warping Mary Sue and the entire story's overly dramatic.

She's just so...damn...good. Yeesh.

Story Or Series Title: The Girl who Fell in Love with a Program at least it's not an Agent.
Fandom: Matrix
Culprit Author's Name: AGoingUnder88
Full Name (plus titles if any): Crystal
Full Species(es): Puella perfecta
Hair Color (include adjectives): "flaming". I assume this means 'red'.
Eye Color (include adjectives): "emerald-green eyes gently choked back the tears held in for so long"
Unusual Markings/Colorations: none. Other than canon in a bag at the bottom of the Hudson.
Special Possessions (if any): none.
Annoying Origin: the ninth circle of Hell.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Neo falls in love with her because she's so pure. Smith cackles evilly cos he thinks he'll get the Zion codes. Trinity acts OOC quite often when she's around, too.
Annoying Special Abilities: The ability to make me shoot myself because HER PAST IZ LIEK SO TORTURED!!1!! Making Smith speak like he's a 20s movie villain.
Other Annoying Traits: Making people kiss her feet through her goodness, saving Zion cos her mad acting skillz even fool Agent Smith, angsting ALL THE TIME because she's in love with a dude named Peter...who is the program of the title.
Oh, and rejecting Neo's lurve because it is not meant to be.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:
You’re lying! Peter is too perfect to be a machine...
I can't even make fun of that. It makes fun of itself.
Now we're gonna cut loose...footloose...kick off your Sunday shoesCollapse )

Sue vows to save the worldCollapse )

Do not worry, lowly serf, for I am Crystal, and thou shalt not suffer from the agents when thou art under mine care. If thou wishest, thou may kiss my feet ingratiatingly.Collapse )

7 comments|post comment

[20 May 2004|06:06pm]

[ mood | blank ]

Story Or Series Title: My Curiosity
CulpritAuthor's Name: Dorysblue

Full Name (plus titles if any):Sarah Carter, AKA Kat. These names are used interchangeably throughout the fic (I think the author may have been high when writing this, therefore the characteristic short term memory loss is to be expected)
Full Species(es): Poddie. But she lives in Zion and was adopted. Because its very characteristic of the Zion fleet to unplug people who cant care for themselves.
Appearance: "She had crystal blue eyes that rarely showed any hatred at all. She had a nice natural tan, and she liked to crack her toes." Well then! Thank you for telling us about your absurd habits. What is this, the personal ads for Mary Sues?

Annoying Origin:She was unplugged, and taken under the wing of Commander Carter, who took over for when Morpheus quit and married Niobe and had 2.3 children
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Smith has an extra speshul interest in her. He kidnaps her, and takes her to his little nest of lurrrrve.
Annoying Special Abilities: She attracts a pedophilic Smith.
Other Annoying Traits:Her eyes can emanate hatred Only sometimes, she's usually a docile Sue She also uses her name interchangeably with her hacker handle, which is not so much a trait as just annoying. She also has an ex with named Doomsdaddy. No wonder they broke up! It was written in his name! Foreshadowing, people!11!1

The "Plot":Kat is a poddie that is living in Zion. She wakes up one day from a horrible dream, a la Neo, and remembers its her first day as an Operator! YAYZ!11oneone!!11. She then gets kidnapped by Smith and taken to his apartment, which is seedy and ratty looking, everything that movieSmith would avoid.
Best Line:"Kat was running in a street.As you can obviously see, she's running through it with her speshul concrete cutting gloves It was cold, dark, and wet. There were only a few streetlights on and nobody else on the streets. It was just her and no one else.Would it be implied that there was no one on the street if she just said there was only her there? Oh nevermind, Sue logic But, she was running from something.or someone. She ran into a dead endWHAM! with a brown door. It was locked. Suddenly, she felt something colder than ice behind herColder than ice, colder than snow... who could it be?!. She spun around and saw nothing, but the reflection of the light around the corner. But, soon, there was a menacing shadow."dun dun DUNNNNNNNH

The Best of this Sue-ish saga of wangst and bad eggsCollapse )

4 comments|post comment

I present...my very first Sue profile! [12 May 2004|08:17pm]

[ mood | blah ]

Well, the time has finally come. Some author out there has discovered that there was acually more than one One. So, following their logic, that means that there could be another One, and it could -OMG- be, like, them!! Or their self-insert. Read on...

Story Or Series Title: Matrix: Recreated
Author's Name: Tweak McFreak

Full Name (plus titles if any): Raisa Ronning, otherwise known as Raisin. 
Full Species(es): A freed, and highly unintelligent human.
Special Possessions (if any): A precious laptop, which she is using to 'research' a rather shady character, who is trying to tell her something about the mysterious 'Matrix'. I think I have deja vu...

Annoying Origin: The Matrix, but just for some background info- she has a 38 year old blonde mother named Gene, and an Italian immigrant father named Giacomo. Yep. Because you really needed/wanted to know.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: None, there don't actually appear to be any canon characters in the whole fic, which is probably a good thing if we consider McFreak's powers of characterisation.
Annoying Special Abilities: None. She is utterly useless, but still manages to be chosen to be unplugged.
Other Annoying Traits: She is in a perpetual state of 'bewilderment' or 'awe'. Plus, she had no idea what the question was, it just popped into her head at the last minute. Oh, and she has green eyes. Grr.

The "Plot": Raisin is just an ordinary 14 year old girl, until she meets a boy she has been researching for several months, she discovers she could be the One in the seventh version of the Matrix!! Lyk OMG it could totally happen to me!!1!!11one!!
Best Line: "I was born in Zion, so I was never connected to the Matrix," Bullet explained quietly, what Raisin would discover later to be his normal voice.

Here we have- the worst of this story.

Totally unrelated to the rest of the story, but I had to share it. *sniggers*Collapse )

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Site Update! [11 May 2004|09:39pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

Believe it or not, but I actually got around to updating the website. There are now three new bad roleplay profiles, and one new Matrix fic (which trintinu posted about a few posts ago). Enjoy, and comment/complain/etc. :D

3 comments|post comment

Toss another on the BBQ pit [11 May 2004|06:54pm]

[ mood | bouncy ]

Story Or Series Title: System Shutdown
Culprit Author's Name: Sp00ky

Full Name (plus titles if any): Trinity and Neo, although their ooc-ness should have a category all their own.
Full Species(es): Both are freed humans
Special Possessions (if any): A motorcycle of Lurrrrve

Annoying Origin: n/a
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: They are 'canon' characters, but this example is more like a canon Mary Sue
Annoying Special Abilities: Ability to have foreplay on a motorcycle.
Other Annoying Traits: n/a

The "Plot": Neo and Trinity do the horizontal mambo in the Matrix, because apparently, Agents wont kill people who are making sweet love on a motorbike. And Morpheus and Link are watching (sort of) *coughVoyeurscough* Then we find out that their similtaneous (of course) orgasms short circuit the Matrix, letting them free many people. Neo always was a multitasker.
Best Line: "He thought the two were in trouble, as did Morpheus, until the Captain peered more closely at the dripping green coding. Smirking, Morpheus reassured Link, "They're fine. Just making up for lost moments, is all." He said, cryptically, crossing his arms and heading back to the cockpit."

The 'Best' *snicker* of this storyCollapse )

5 comments|post comment

[08 May 2004|04:00pm]

[ mood | discontent ]

Quick update on Kit19's fic.

Go away. You're making my side look stupid.

A cross between a troll and a self-insert for today's report... a little dull after the Kit/Shi travesty.

Story Or Series Title: Griffin's Flight
Culprit Author's Name: thecallingrule WHEREVER YOU WILL GO!!11!11one!1

Full Name (plus titles if any): Griffin
Full Species(es): Professor X's daughter Human psychic.
Distinguishing Features: "Griffin is a psychic! She has agents chasing her! She doesn't know who they are! She doesn't even know she's Psychic!"
Special Possessions (if any): None.

Annoying Origin: The Matrix.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: None. All are original characters.
Annoying Special Abilities: OMG THERE'RE VOICES IN MY HEAD Psychic.
Other Annoying Traits: Agents are chasing her because she's psychic. She's not unplugged, and yet picks up a ringing phone and disappear.

The "Plot": This Sue is psychic, but she doesn't know it. Suddenly, loud!ringing!voices! go on in her head. By picking up the phone, she gets transported into a dark void. In the next chapter, she's now on board a ship called A'Tiluta, crew names Thata, Troy, Tau and Omega.
Best Line: “ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” I screamed as pain blazed in my head.

Please include a sample of the worst of this story:

Was there a Dark Room in the Matrix?Collapse )

1 comment|post comment

Spiky tequila-drenched dominatrix of much doom! [29 Apr 2004|01:32pm]

[ mood | amused ]

d^_^b: Hello and welcome to a do_ob production, my first MST to be exact. And now before we kick everything off, may I present my lovely co-host, Kaireen!

Kaireen: Hello~

do_ob: Now it’s time for the moment you’ve all been waiting for. We present, for your undoubted reading pleasure, “Behind the scenes: The character formally known as Rikuzaahn Mirhazaahd.” Just rolls off the tongue doesn’t it?

CLICK HERE FOR FREE FUN!!!! ^_^Collapse )

2 comments|post comment

The Day has Come! XD [28 Apr 2004|06:48pm]
(Cross-posted from my journal).

There's a new criteria for abuse over at fanfiction.net.

You can now report fics for mangling the English language. Not having a spellcheck won't save you now! *cackles*

And there was much rejoicing. *does the victory dance*
2 comments|post comment

Hello from a first time visitor [28 Apr 2004|08:38pm]

Hi~ I was shown the burning dumpster site today by a friend, and I was wondering whether it'd be possible to post up a MST of a bad RP profile. The ones already posted are really very entertaining truth be told.

And, yes, please forgive me for this totally unoriginal introduction but honestly, brain cells are too taxed to offer witty intros, so this will have to do.
1 comment|post comment

[20 Apr 2004|11:00pm]
Just when you thought you'd seen the last of it...

It's baaaaaaack!

I swear, that thing keeps propogating like bunnies. Or Agent Smith.
10 comments|post comment

New icon! [18 Apr 2004|01:22pm]

*pimps Neo* -->

Free to take, no credit necessary.

5 comments|post comment

Toss another badfic on the barbeque! [17 Apr 2004|09:43pm]

[ mood | bouncy ]

Story Or Series Title: Another Chance
Fandom: The Matrix
Culprit Author's Name: Kenora Hazel Saul

Full Name (plus titles if any): Anastasia
Full Species(es): Unplugged human
Hair Color (include adjectives): Black, or rather errant ebony hair, or short jet hair
Eye Color (include adjectives):cerulean, silver blue
Unusual Markings/Colorations: None noted
Special Possessions (if any): She makes love to Neo in her dreams, apparently.

Annoying Origin: She's Trinity reincarnated. *pukes*
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: She's chanelling Trinity, and having sex with Neo in her sleep.
Annoying Special Abilities: The innate ability to fuck and sleep at the same time.
Other Annoying Traits: She has a knack of calling on Morpheus at very unfortunate times

And yes, I am a newbie. *waves* Hi!

Read more...Collapse )
The Worst of this Story.

She walked over to a group of people sitting at a table to introduce herself.Hi! I'm a random poddie! They stared at her, some of them looked shocked.

“Hi, my name is Anastasia, I’m new here, I just wanted to introduce myself.” Self-consciously, she tucked a lock of errant ebony hair behind her ear.Not black, ebony! Get it straight! Her cerulean eyes assessed their reactions. Obviously they weren’t that interested in meeting her. She backed off and walked over to sit by the bar.

The bartender set a pint of Zion’s special beer-flavored brew in front of her. “You look like her, that’s why they’re acting so weird.”

“I look like who?” Anastasia sipped some of her brew, and grimaced at the metallic taste as she swallowed.I wish it was poison

“Trinity.” The bartender said quietly. Of course! Who else! It has to be Trin or else she wouldnt get to bang Neo

“Wasn’t she….?” Anastasia trailed off.

“She was Neo’s other half, his soul mate. It’s said that she would come back and when she did the One would come back too.” The bartender told her.

Anastasia’s eyes widened at what she’d just been told. She looked around the room and watched the crowd in the corner whisper and look at her.

She swallowed the rest of her brew, thanked the bartender and walked out of the bar. Walking down the deserted hallway, she made her way to the elevator. She hit the up button that would lead to her Morpheus’s quarter and some answers.Awww, poor widdle n00b is confused and needs the guidance of her mentor, Morphie!


Was she Trinity resurrected?
No, cause you'd think Trinity would channel through someone sane,like Ghost, if she really wanted to speak to people. But of course, she doesnt, and the author just wants to bang Neo.Or Keanu, cause I doubt she knows who Neo is, and all she knows is Keanu iz sooooOoo hott!one!11!

5 comments|post comment

Nooooo! ;_; [09 Apr 2004|08:57pm]
The dreaded day has arrived people.

Some crazy authors out there have noticed that Ghost exists. It seems that the video game protection wears off after 11 months. Go see this one while you can, because it looks like it's already been deleted and we're just waiting for the system to catch it. :3

EDIT: Yea, It's gone. But I saved it, so if anyone wants a looksie, just AIM me or email me. If you're into that kind of machoistic tendency. :) Oh yea, and I LJ-cutted so people's friend's lists don't come out too big.

Story Or Series Title: Real Life
Fandom: Ghost is hawt!!11!!1eleven The Matrix
Culprit Author's Name: KitKat4495

Full Name (plus titles if any): Rikku (And where does this name come from. HM. GEE. I WONDER...)
Full Species(es): Magically disappearing hacker-pod-born chick.
Hair Color (include adjectives): None mentioned.
Eye Color (include adjectives): None mentioned.
Unusual Markings/Colorations: None mentioned.
Special Possessions (if any): "a blue jean mini skirt, a sparkly green halter top, a blue jean jacket, and a peer of high heels", and a whole bunch of friends, including someone named Pink. I really hope she doesn't mean Pink the singer, because then I'm going to officially run away screaming.

Annoying Origin: The fields where all humans are born.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Ghost and the crew of the Nebuchadnezzar are very interested in her. Ghost likes her. Ghost really really likes her.
Annoying Special Abilities: Being able to escape Agents 3 times by just running into an alley, being able to disappear to the point where Sparks can't locate her code in the Matrix (hidden file commands. Gotta love 'em.).
Other Annoying Traits: None really.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this storyCollapse )

Best line ever: “I’m going to hurt you, alright.” Ghost said stepping closer again. “I know that.” She said taking a step back in doing so she fell back into a chair. She sprang up and ran out of the room.

(I haven't decided if that's a typo or if Ghost really did intend to hurt her yet. ^_^)

*insert me facepalming*
3 comments|post comment

Reviews nicked from the Pit [07 Apr 2004|09:00pm]

All from the Matrix section, of course. =)
[I swear, reading the reviews provide more entertainment than good fics]

Here be the Stupidity!Collapse )
5 comments|post comment

[05 Apr 2004|09:01pm]


Not reporting it, because:

1. It's too damn long.

2. Unlike Mary Sues, this has no plot.

3. Self-insertions of people from GameFAQS [so why the hell didn't she post it over there?]

4. The author has no idea how to use the chapter feature.
2 comments|post comment

Agent Brown's newest assignment [26 Mar 2004|12:52pm]
I went poking around for some really bad fanfiction to laugh at, but came up empty-handed in that department.

But I did find this very amusing essay. Enjoy.

Agent Brown's Guide to Good Fanfiction.

(Although I really feel it should be "Guide to a good fanfiction mentality.")
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First Sue post! [22 Mar 2004|09:48am]

[ mood | pessimistic ]

plays "My Heart Bleeds for You" on violin
Today's Sue had to watch her mother die at age 5 and as a result took up hacking at age 14.

Story Or Series Title:The Programmer
Culprit Author's Name: MicroChips.
Full Name (plus titles if any): Vixen, AKA Jessica Smith. I'm pretty sure there won't be any "LIEK OMG!!!!!!! SMITH IS HER DADDY WTF" type of things, but I wouldn't put it past the author.
Full Species(es): t3h l33t hax0r Human
Distinguishing Features: "dazzingly uncanny" eyes: the right is "ice-blue" and the left is...ugh, I can't write it, I have to cut&paste..."velvety soft violet... [that] cast an almost complete glowing range of emotions to people". And because of her one violet eye she is a pariah of society, spurned by all and loved by none.

...or somethin'.
Special Possessions (if any): None, I think. Thankfully.
Annoying Origin: N/A
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Neo wants to free her, forty-eight (48) Agents are after her and four other people, and she randomly turns into an Agent. I assume the Agent is Smith. (Geddit? Her NAME'S Smith and she TURNS INTO Smith...the subtlety is astounding.)
Annoying Special Abilities: Oh dear. Oh deary, deary dear. "Ever since she got her first computer at the age of 5 she was able to hack into Internet databases, her mom's e-mail account, and the schools d-base to change her grades." She pulled a Ferris Bueller on us, people! And if she is 28 in 2003, that would make her 5... in 1980. Hell, barely anyone had computers in 1980, let alone gave them to 5-year-olds. People don't even do that today. Doi.

It's the little things that piss me off the most.
Other Annoying Traits: Mostly the l33t hacker skillz.
The "Plot": I can't read this for more than a few seconds at a time, but I think it's an N-1 (Extraordinary skilled hacker is freed by Neo) type A (with a badass hacker) subsection B(but doesn't fall in love with Neo).

Best Line(s):
Hamsters in heat! Screwing around with the timeline of the story! Read on, dear reader, if you dare.Collapse )

And there's even more 'goodness' in Chapter Six. Remember kids: It's okay to break your vow of pacifism as long as you look really kickass while doing so.
Going all crazy on the Oracle's cool too.

Oh! I almost forgot to mention she's schitzophrenic. Yep. Mmhmm.

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[19 Mar 2004|11:02pm]

[ mood | dirty ]

Something I've noticed: Mary Sue lovers stay in one clique, while the stupid ones stay in another, and the good fanfiction authors stay at the Construct. =D

Kit19, Shivonne, and Megami no Inazumi, [the author of this little gem here that was reported at </a></b></a>marysues], are all Sue authors. Look! They all review each other!

Kit19's Immortality fic has been removed by ff.net, so I'll post another one of her fics up.

Story Or Series Title: Hello again Boys
Culprit Author's Name: Kit19, co-written with Shivonne.

Full Name (plus titles if any): Shi
Full Species(es): A rogue assassin program.
Distinguishing Features: I think she can switch forms at will. With Kit, she looks like a normal human, but she can turn into " a tall woman with shoulder length choppy black hair and green eyes, wearing a black halterneck top, red flares and black boots, along with a long black coat trimmed with fake silver fur around the end of the sleeves and the hood..."
Special Possessions (if any): A pair of sais. Copying Daredevil, are we now?

Annoying Origin: The Source
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: She's the Twins' 'little sister', which later morphs into the 'twin sister' of the Twins. I have no idea how this came about, because if there were triplets, the Twins and Shi would be named Triplet #1, #2 and #3, correct?
Annoying Special Abilities: Her ability matches that of the Two, Kit.
Other Annoying Traits: I think she can control the Agents too, even though she's a rogue program.

The "Plot": Shi wants to kill the Two. For what reason, I don't know.
Best Line(s): Her notes.

"Written by Shi, we came up with the fight scene together in a chat, as you probably will already know. The reason I'm posting it is because Shi didn't get any reviews when she posted it on her account and took it down so I talked to her and we decided that I could post it on my account in hopes of more replies. So, if you do choose to review, direct it to Shi please."


"Author's note: this fic is literally a typed up version of a random AIM chat between myself and Kit, which is still going on.so there'll probably be more yet! But we both seem to have saved the chat (which is literally just the fight from when they reach the Merovingian's hallway, and both gone away and separately based fics on it.so it'll be interesting to see exactly how they work out!! Can't wait to read yours Kit!!!"

Now run away.

Notes: OOC Twins [as always]. I think Shi betrayed them or something and changed her program [without going to the Mero, to boot]. The Twins thus try to help Kit when she's confronted by her, but they're attacked by Agents and can't help her. We are dosed with a full chapter of decently written action sequences between Kit and Shi. Then it gets boring after a while, because I don't know why Shi wants to kill the Two, and the fact this story has nothing to do with canon or the Matrix, save for a few c00l speshul effects only the Matrix can provide.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

When people can't press the Enter key while typing out dialogueCollapse )

4 comments|post comment

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