A Love Supreme (dives) wrote in burningdumpster,
A Love Supreme

  • Mood:
  • Music:

You know, Neo doesn't need that stupid Trinity to love—he needs someone way more perfect.

We-ll, the sad thing is that it's relatively well written—i.e., the author knows grammar, can spell (except for 'Anderson' or 'Nebuchanezzer', but even I can't spell the latter) and has some idea of plot.
Pity she's a canon-warping Mary Sue and the entire story's overly dramatic.

She's just so...damn...good. Yeesh.

Story Or Series Title: The Girl who Fell in Love with a Program at least it's not an Agent.
Fandom: Matrix
Culprit Author's Name: AGoingUnder88
Full Name (plus titles if any): Crystal
Full Species(es): Puella perfecta
Hair Color (include adjectives): "flaming". I assume this means 'red'.
Eye Color (include adjectives): "emerald-green eyes gently choked back the tears held in for so long"
Unusual Markings/Colorations: none. Other than canon in a bag at the bottom of the Hudson.
Special Possessions (if any): none.
Annoying Origin: the ninth circle of Hell.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Neo falls in love with her because she's so pure. Smith cackles evilly cos he thinks he'll get the Zion codes. Trinity acts OOC quite often when she's around, too.
Annoying Special Abilities: The ability to make me shoot myself because HER PAST IZ LIEK SO TORTURED!!1!! Making Smith speak like he's a 20s movie villain.
Other Annoying Traits: Making people kiss her feet through her goodness, saving Zion cos her mad acting skillz even fool Agent Smith, angsting ALL THE TIME because she's in love with a dude named Peter...who is the program of the title.
Oh, and rejecting Neo's lurve because it is not meant to be.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:
You’re lying! Peter is too perfect to be a machine...
I can't even make fun of that. It makes fun of itself.

"It’s funny, but my mind seems much clearer here...the absence of Peter has unblocked information I didn’t even know I had. So I guess all that I know is from listening in on Peter’s phone calls. According to my newly cleared mind, Peter erased my memory after he found out how much I knew, but I assume that for my mind to be completely erased, he has to be around. I still miss Peter terribly, though, and even if he’s a program, I’m in love with him and...” Crystal choked back tears.
Neo couldn’t help being touched and pained at his friend’s sadness so with a sigh he wrapped his arms around her and sighed.
“It’s alright, Crystal, everything’s going to get better now that we have you to aid us in the war against the machines. Hey, maybe with your extensive knowledge of machine-speak, you can even discover how to make Peter human.”
Crystal looked up, her eyes sparkling with hope once again.
“Oh, Neo, that would be the most wonderful day of my life! Let’s celebrate this joyful news! Let’s dance!”
And before Neo could protest, he was dragged to the Nebbacanezaur’s main cabin where rock music blared.

Crystal vowed that from that day forth, defeating the machines that kept so many people prisoners would be her first priority (of course turning Peter into a human would be her second, she couldn’t forget her ardor and love so quickly). Her priority would be to save the human race from a fate worse than death: imprisonment and lack of freedom. With her new declaration, Crystal merrily hurried to Neo, anxious to tell him the news that the sentinels had found a way to penetrate Zion.

Quietly, Crystal removed the earpiece from the general and destroyed it with her laser. This only caused the general to look even more frantic and try to retrieve the earpiece by throwing himself into the fire. Exasperated, Crystal pulled him out and put a finger to her lips. She wrote on a piece of paper:

Don’t worry; whatever you were blackmailed with has been cancelled because the laser sent imperceptible signals that have told the agents that you are supposedly dead. Those signals have also told the agents a fake code that leads them into a likeness of Zion, except with no people. Those signals have just saved Zion, but it won’t be long before they try another attack. Now, all you have to do is stay out of The Matrix and change the codes so that no more sentinels get in here, but of course after you have betrayed Zion, you will constantly be watched. Ok, the earpiece is now completely destroyed so now you can speak normally.
The bald, wrinkled general sighed in relief and kissed Crystals feet in gratitude. However, his tears of joy became tears of grief as he crumpled to the ground and sobbed uncontrollably. Mystified, Crystal pulled him to his feet and gently asked him why he sobbed of such grief.

Crystal had led Agent Smith to the caves of Zion, with the impatient agent tapping his foot at how long this was taking. “I’ll delete Peter if this takes any longer,” the indignant agent snapped.
“Chill out, it’s almost done,” mumbled Crystal. She took the microchip in her hand and placed it in the slot before her and a deafening creak of the opening gates of Zion reached everyone’s ears. “See? I told you I was telling the truth,” said Crystal with a devious grin.
“At last! The superior machines will defeat the insignificant humans and we will be in control,” grinned Agent Smith.
“Now, release Peter!”
“Fool, never trust an agent in a deal, you’ll always get the bad end.”
“Maybe, but never trust a human when she gives up her city because she usually has something up her sleeve. Now, Mouse!”
A silver bullet penetrated the back of Agent Smith’s head and he fell with a thud.WTF? It's not like he's a werewolf or anything.
“Nice work, Crystal, you’re a great actress,” beamed Mouse.

"You showing up again, after us being neighbors since we were ten, have made me question my feelings for you all over again. Trinity is the last thing on my mind right now. I think I never loved her. I was merely in love with the thought of someone caring so much about me. But Trinity can’t compare to you. You have courage, humor, beauty, and intelligence that are ten times greater than Trinity’s qualities will ever be. And I know you so much better, we grew up side by side, we worked side by side, for so many years...and during those many years, I couldn’t help falling in love as I got to know you. And although I have tried to restrain myself from expressing my feelings so you can be guilt-free about being in love with Peter, but my love has been held in for so many years that it just broke through.

I would have posted the flashback of DOOM to her seeing a scary man on the street, not doing anything because her mom said everyone was good, then after the man rapes and shoots her mother, her picking up the gun and telling the police she killed her mom—WAIT! because she hid from the scary man at first. It's...just...no. It's so obviously there for TEH AGNST.
  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded